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For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors that contrast with your own.

For guests who say "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings, or a quick nip on the ankles.

For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table – pens, pencils, stamps – one at a time.

Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playtime between 2 and 4 AM.

When the humans are eating, make sure to leave the tip of your tail on a plate when they aren't looking

If the person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy person. For book readers, get in close under the chin unless you can lie across the book itself.

Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the entire evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.